Suicide
by lovingedward4ever
Summary: There was no point in living anymore, Bella thought in her snow white gown. Edward was gone. He wasn't coming back... There really wasn't any point now... no point... "Love, life, meaning... Over." rated M for disturbing content, REALLY AWESOME!
1. Attempt

**Author's note: I wrote this… I don't know, I was in a weird mood, listening to the song "Tourniquet" by Evanescence, (which is about suicide) and this came out… it wasn't originally a Twilight fanfic, but I decided to make it that way! **

**DISCLAIMER: everything belongs to the genius, Stephenie Meyers, my idol! **

The snow fell outside the window, my feet rested on the freezing floor, my nightgown hung from my shoulders limply. I could feel the tears sliding silently down my face.

"I want to die." I whispered, putting a hand on the window. My breath fogged up the glass on the window, and for a moment I thought I could see _his _reflection.

I whipped around, my breath quickening and my heart hammering.

Nothing was there.

I turned slowly back to the window.

He was gone, not coming back. He didn't love me.

Why did I still love him?

With a sudden rage I screamed and hit the window with all my might. It shattered, cutting my fingers and letting the cold, snow-ridden air swirl inside.

I fell to my knees gasping; my blood welled up from the abundance of little cuts on my fingers. It dripped onto my white gown, the color shocking.

I cried and cried, not from the pain. The pain in my hands was nothing, it was the pain in my heart I couldn't take.

With a shaking and bloody hand I picked up a shard, looking at it suddenly calmly.

"My wounds cry for the grave, my soul cries for deliverance…" I whispered, and pressed the glass to my wrist. I watched as the blood seemed from the deep cut, dripping down my arm, staining my gown, pooling on the floor.

The wind flapped my hair around my face, my tears froze on my cheeks, my head grew dizzy and the pain in my wrist was nothing.

I heard footsteps on the landing outside. I looked up and saw _him. _

He saw the blood, the wound on my wrist, and shook his head, appalled.

"No…" Edward whispered. I smiled sadly and nodded.

"I can't be happy, I love you too much."

He came forward, a hand at his mouth.

"Goodbye. You never loved me, but I love you so. Goodbye." I whispered, and closed my eyes, falling sideways.

My last feeling was his lips on mine.


	2. Please live

**Okay, well, originally, she did die in the first chapter, but so many people asked me to continue… so… I am!! I guess she just… uh… passed out…. (lame, I know, but how else can I continue?) **

**So from where I left off, but from Edward's POV. **

**DISCLAIMER: everything belongs to the genius, Stephenie Meyers!!! Bless her for creating our savior, Edward (laugh). **

**(this time I'm listening to "the Reason" by Hoobastank, in case you're curious)**

"no…" I whispered. I could see the blood dripping down her arm, pooling around her. So much blood. I could smell if from far away, but had still stupidly prayed I was somehow wrong. How could anyone survive so loosing so much blood.

"I can't be happy, I love you too much." She said simply, smiling in that beautiful way. I could see the pain lining her face, and see the way her brown eyes were slowly dimming.

I flew to her, the smell of her fresh blood so close nearly driving me to the edge…. The pain of my thirst almost unbearable.

But the pain of loosing her was far greater, and it was unbearable. Completely and totally unbearable. Who could bear loosing the other half of their soul? One they had waited a hundred years to find…

I kissed her lips softly, and felt her warm breath tickle my cheek. Her eyes closed.

"No," I whispered again, and lifted her swiftly in my arms.

Without a moments hesitation I leaped out the broken window and started running as fast as I could through the woods.

_I must get to Carlisle… _I thought, over and over.

It seemed I was going to slowly, every step seemed to take a lifetime, and for me, a lifetime was a long, long time. I could still feel her blood seeping out, soaking my clothing, filling my senses. Until it was all I knew, all I knew. The smell of blood, of death. The feeling of it, of it dripping out of my love… and onto the ground… soaking into the ground… lost forever. All I knew was death, of her death.

Of her dying.

"No!" I cried, and ran ever the faster.

Suddenly, so suddenly it almost made my step falter, I was there. At our big white house. Where we hadn't been in over six months.

I burst right through the front door, already calling out Carlisle's name.

He was down the stairs in less than a heartbeat. He stopped for a millisecond in shock with the sight of me, standing there with Bella in my arms, her blood dripping everywhere.

Somewhere above I heard a roar, and another, calmer shout following it. Jasper and Alice were no doubt here also, and could smell the blood.

"Edward?" Carlisle said cautiously.

"I came to late, she… she…" I was shaking my head, my shoulders trembling with tearless sobs.

Carlisle looked again at Bella, whose breath was so shallow… and understood. He came forward, and took her from me and carried her into the kitchen.

I stood outside, curled up into a ball in the corner of the room, clutching my knees with such a force it would have broken any bone easily.

I remember fleetingly watching Alice drag Jasper out of the house, giving the kitchen a wide berth.

I remember Esme coming in and looking around the front room, looking shocked and confused. And then seeing her go into the kitchen and back out.

I remember Emmett and Rosalie not being there, thinking that they must have gone with Alice to calm Jasper down, and then thinking I didn't really care.

I remember the numbness. The numbness of not knowing.

Not knowing whither my purpose for living would… live.

Then Carlisle came out of the kitchen, ages later, and he looked at me calmly.

"Edward, come here."

**Ha ha!! A cliffy, sorry!!! I'm just evil like that, but I'll post more soon, I promise!!! (hey, this is my first fanfic that's not a oneshot… whaddya know?) **


	3. Living in Heaven

**Bella's POV again, she's dreaming at first, still passed out. **

**(once again, if you're curious I'm listening to "the storm" by Garth Brooks (probably the only country music I'll tolerate) and then I'm listening to "once upon her broken heart" by ****The Beu Sisters.) **

**DISCLAIMER: everything belongs to the genius Stephenie Meyers!!! Thank goodness she had that dream, right? **

I was flying… forward… but that wasn't right, I should be going… upward, right? Upward…

I tried to raise my hand to rub my eyes, but I didn't have a hand. Or an arm, or even eyes to rub.

I opened my mouth to gasp, but I didn't have a mouth.

I was nothing.

Me, the nothing, floated in nothing. Nothing.

Nothing without him.

Tears, that weren't tears, streamed down my cheek that didn't exist.

Suddenly the mist that I floated in swam with images. There he was, so close to my face, leaning in to kiss me….

And there we were, holding hands, walking to class.

Him in the sun, his skin like diamonds, reflecting the sunlight into hundreds of little rainbows.

Me sitting on his lap, watching a movie together, his cold breath tickling the back of my neck and his icy skin chilling my back.

Then, I tried to close my eyes, but I didn't have any eyelids.

There he was, standing in the wet forest, looking at me with calm, cold eyes. Frozen rocks of topaz, rather than swirling pools of Carmel.

Him, whispering those words… those words…

I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out. I couldn't block out the sound of his words….

"Bella…" _I don't want you to come with me. _I knew what he was going to say, "Bella, wake up, Bella!!"

My eyes flew open, and I was disoriented with the feeling of being… _real _for a second. I took a deep shuddering breath, and blinked.

Then I let the breath back out with a big _whoosh, _and I closed my eyes again.

No fair, I was still dreaming.

"Bella?"

No, I was dead.

I sighed, and kept my eyes closed. As I lay there, I remembered more clearly what had happened, me… pressing the glass to my wrist…

"Bella!" The voice was more urgent, but I was in no hurry. After all, since I was dead, I had all eternity to spend with my made-up angel, right?

"Carlisle, she's not responding!" Hmm… how strange, I wouldn't have thought Carlisle would be in my heaven.

"Give her some time, I only just managed to stop the bleeding after all."

I scowled, what was Carlisle-angel talking about?

I blinked open my eyes, wonder what kind of weird heaven this was anyways.

"Bella!" my angel whispered, and I became aware of cold hands grasping one of my hands tightly.

I looked at him confusedly. Then I tried to lift my other hand to touch his face.

I couldn't.

I looked over at my hand, and saw it strapped down. "What?" I whispered.

I looked back at my angel, "What kind of heaven is this?"

He laughed shakily. "It's not heaven, Bella, but it's close enough."

I shook my head slowly, "But… that doesn't make any sense… why else would you be here?"

His face fell in a second, "Why indeed?"

I pulled my hand free from his, and for a moment he looked hurt. But I raised it up instead and touched his cheek. "But you are…"

He smiled, and held my hand there, against his cheek. "Yes, I am."

I glanced back at my arm, "Why am I tied down?"

Edward scowled, and repeated what he said earlier, in a much different tone. "Why indeed?" he growled. "Do you know how much you terrified me? How scared I was?"

Edward, scared? I frowned, trying to think. "Why would you be scared?"

He blew an exasperated sigh. "I nearly lost you." He shook his head slowly, "I nearly lost you."

"So?"

His eyes snapped back to mine, "So? I couldn't loose you Bella, never."

"But you meant to loose me," I closed my eyes, starting to tire. "You wanted to loose me."

"No, no honey. No, never." I shook my head.

"but you said so."

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'm so sorry." He gasped, I opened my eyes again to see his shoulders shaking in dry heaves. "I lied, I swear, I lied. I never meant it. I'm sorry…"

I nodded, hearing, but not fully comprehending. I closed my eyes again, suddenly not very concerned. "I'm so tired." I whispered.

He seemed to control himself, "I know, you lost a lot of blood."

"How…" I took a breath, and tried again, "How did you… cope?" He knew what I meant.

"I don't know, I don't… it was like… it just didn't matter. Like, at that moment, I just didn't give a damn what the animal inside of me was screaming, I just… needed you to be safe."

I nodded slightly, and started to fall again.

I felt his breath tickle my cheek with on last sentence, "I love you."

**Okay, I'll continue if you guys want me to… but you have to tell me you do!!! Pllleeeaasseee!!! I love reviews to death, they totally make my day!!!! So please review!!!! Yay!!!!!! **

**Sooooo…. I hope you all like it, once again, I can continue, but I can also stop… I'm just waiting for feedback!!! **


	4. Lies, all Lies

**Oookaaay!!! A little (okay, major) plot twist coming up….**

**DISCLAIMER: everything belongs tooooo drumroll Stephenie Meyers!!! Long live the god of Twilight!! So she can continue to grace us with her writing!! (heh heh, only a little obsession!!) **

**Oh, and if means anything, I'm listening to ****Chouwa Oto with Reflection, from the movie "Origin". Yeeaahh…… sooo…. Please enjoy!!!!!!**

I blinked open my eyes, staring at my ceiling. I scowled.

Where was I?

I sat up, looking around the room, my vision swimming so badly I couldn't focus, finally I recognized my own room. I shook my head, disturbed at how long it had taken me to realize something I should have just known.

I groaned, clutching my foggy head, what was wrong with me?

I slipped my feet out from under my covers and placed them on the floor, trying to find stability in the hard surface.

I stood, and it was like the floor pitched and churned beneath me, my head spun, and I fell back onto the bed.

The room still danced around me, so I closed my eyes. I don't remember lying down again, but I must have because I don't remember anything after that for a long time.

When I came to again, I didn't feel as dizzy as before, in fact, I didn't even remember the before. The last thing I remembered was…

I gasped, and sat up, and my head swam slightly, but I ignored it and flung my covers to the side. "Edward!" I screamed, trying to stand and falling to my knees when my legs buckled underneath me.

I dragged myself forward to the door, trying to muster up the strength to stand, but in the meantime crawling.

I wretched the door open and fell out into the hall. I could hear movements from Charlie's room, I had probably woken him up when I screamed.

He came out onto the landing to find me panting on the ground, already past the point where I could move.

"Bella…" he shook his head disapprovingly, "No, sweetie, you're sick, you need to stay in bed."

I somehow managed to drag myself to a sitting position, leaning against the wall, I gasped, "where's… Edward…?"

Charlie looked confused, "What? Bella, what are you talking about? Edward… remember? He left… a long time ago…" he said it gently, remembering the way Edward had been a no-no topic for months.

I shook my head now, "No, no, he came back… he came back, I saw him. I…" my eyes widened as I remembered what I had done, "He saved my life, again. I almost…" I trailed off, not wanting to tell Charlie what I had done, "But, then I woke up and he was there, and I spoke to him. Saw him, he told me he loved me. He said he was sorry…" my voice was getting weaker and weaker each passing word.

Charlie looked worriedly at me, "You've been delirious with a fever for several days now. Bella, Edward never came back… I'm sorry… but… you must have dreamt it."

I looked at him blankly, not comprehending. He had been right there, I had touched his skin, felt his lips, heard his voice… how could I ever dream that?

I scrutinized Charlie for lies; it was the only explanation, so he must be lying. Edward had said he was sorry, that everything he had said… before… was a lie, he had been telling me the truth then right? He wouldn't leave me again, would he?

I shook my head slowly, my breath starting to come quicker, my lips pressing together. I leaned away from Charlie, and his lies. I crawled backward and long the wall, and Charlie just stood there in his doorway, watching me.

"No…" I whispered, my voice shaking.

Charlie finally moved, reaching his hand forward to me. "Bella, come, you're sick. Come back to bed."

I flinched away from his hand, peering him strait in the eye.

"No!" I said louder. I brought my knees up to my chest, curling up in the corner of the hall, as far as I could go. "No! You're lying!" I was screaming now.

_There. _I saw it, just the tiniest flicker of fear in his eyes.

Fear of me finding out he was lying.

I dragged myself to my feet, and started crawling down the stairs. Charlie stared at me for a moment, amazed I was pushing it that far, then followed after me.

"Bella!" he shouted, "stop! He's gone!!"

"No!" I screamed, not pausing in my shaky movements down the stairs. "It's not true! He came back, I know he did!"

I hit the floor at the bottom and pulled myself to my feet. Stumbling I pulled myself along the wall to the door. Charlie was right behind me, and I tried to go faster.

I got to the door and twisted the handle open.

I stepped out, and tripped on the doorstep. I fell to the ground, but pushed myself up quickly and dragged myself further outside.

I looked franticly around the street, at all the little houses, at the grass in the lawn, the trees the lined the road, the mountains on the horizon…

Where was he?

"Edward!" I screamed, circling the yard slowly, "Edward!!!!!" There was a gust of wind, and I was so weak it knocked me over. I fell to the side, and laid there in the grass, sobbing.

Charlie came up to where I lay. He put his hand on my shoulder, but I flinched from his touch.

I was shaking terribly, flinging my head from side to side in denial.

"No…" I sobbed, "No, he just… he couldn't leave me again… he just wouldn't…"

I looked up at Charlie through my thick curtain of hair covering my face, he didn't see me looking at him.

He had a small smirk on his lips.

**Well, hope that wasn't to unexpected!! (laugh) please please stay tuned for the next chapter!! This is startin to get reeeeal good!!! **

**R&R PLEASE!!!!!!! Reviews just make my day!!!!!!!!!! **


	5. Deals and Decisions

**Ha ha, I just LOVE plot twists!!! Okay!! This one gets even better!!! Please enjoy!!!**

I watched from the trees as my Bella stumbled out of the house and collapsed on the ground. I flinched forward, instinctively wanting to reach out and help her.

Then I corrected myself, she was no longer my Bella.

I had to close my eyes when she screamed out my name, and I cursed my superior hearing when I could hear each level of raw pain in her voice.

I opened my eyes again to see her collapse to the ground, and Charlie came running out. I could hear Charlie keeping up his side of the deal, and Bella screaming that he was lying.

I breathed a shuddering sigh, Charlie was more than happy to help us. He didn't want me anywhere near Bella, so when we had to convince her that I hadn't really come back he was more than willing to do so.

Even if it would nearly kill Bella in the process.

I slid down out of the tree as Charlie pulled Bella back inside the house, and I turned by back on their house and sped off into the woods.

Why couldn't I be with her?

The question ran around and around my head, wracking my body with silent sobs of torture as I ran.

For the same reason I left, I was dangerous to her.

And now for a whole new reason.

I reached my house, and hovered at the edge of the clearing.

The Volturi had stepped in finally.

Aro was now at our house, and everyone was waiting to hear what had happened from me.

I sighed, if only they hadn't had Aro himself come, then maybe…

But no, that was exactly why they sent him, with just one touch he could tell if we were lying or not.

I took another breath and walked up to the house, slowly, almost human speed, I pushed the door open and went inside.

"Edward!! Come here my boy, come here." Aro said, with that weird smile already on his face.

I twitched my mouth upward for a moment in response and turned by back on him, starting to hear upstairs. On second thought, I didn't want to face the bastard.

"Come now Edward, we're all just _dying _to know what happened!"

_Come now, I know you can hear me, just come down the stairs, all it'll take is just one liiiitle touch, and you can go mope. _

I hated the sound of Aro's voice in my head, it was so different from his outwardly one, which was strange in itself.

His inward voice wasn't sickly-sweet, it was just sickly. It was almost like a hiss, and you could hear all the inhumanity running through his body dripping in that voice.

I sighed again, and slowly turned around and went back down the stairs.

Carlisle and Esme, who were standing in the corner of the giant room, nodded in thanks that I was complying, they didn't want anything to happen to me.

I reached my hand out and Aro's fingers touched the middle of my upturned palm.

As he concentrated on what I had seen that afternoon at Bella's house, I sent him a silent message.

_What you're forgetting Aro,_

He glanced up and met my eyes, as my thought cut out mid-sentence.

I continued, _is that I know the trick. _

_To what?_ He replied, confused that he couldn't hear the rest of my thoughts, because I wasn't thinking them.

_To triumph. The trick is… you have to make…_

In the blink of an eye, no less than that even, while Aro was distracted concentrating, I leaned forward with a wide smile that bared my razor teeth.

With a movement that was imperceptible to the eye it was so fast I cut Aro's head off with my teeth and grabbed his arms with my hands and wretched me from his body.

"Spontaneous decisions." I finished my sentence.

Aro, what was left of him, twitched on the ground, and Carlisle and Esme stood on the other side of the room in shock.

I stood over his body, and almost smiled.

But I didn't.

I knew what I had just done would be horrible for my family, for me, and… for Bella. For although I had followed Aro's wishes and made her inexorably not part of my life, she was still involved, because the Volturi now knew who she was and what she meant to me.

I shook my head, in horror at what I just condemned us all to.

"Edward?"

My head snapped up to the door, and I met two brown eyes that I had convinced myself I would never see again.

Bella stepped into the door, her eyes flickering from me to the body of Aro on the floor, and his head that had rolled a few feet away.

**Oh, oh, oh!! The climax is almost here!!! He, he!! **

**Sooo, I hope you like!! The sudden death of Aro was, just as Edward said, a "Spontaneous decision"… yeah, well, this is gonna get eeeeven better!!! Trust me, it'll stay true to its title!!!! (heh heh, that'll make u think!!!) **

**Well, R&R please!!! All the reviews im getting make me sooooooo happy!!!!!!!!!!!**


	6. What have I done?

**Author's note: Well, this is chapter 6!!! Thank you all SOO much for all the reviews and for stickin around this long!! This is a good chapter, no sudden (major) plot twists though, thought I'd give all you guy's nerves a break!! (laugh), well, I REALLY hope u enjoy this one!! R&R!!!!! **

My mind was numb, I couldn't believe…

He was actually right there. Right there, right in front of me.

Edward.

I saw what lay at his feet then, and I gasped softly, a body of another vampire was lying at his feet, and I could see a round shape a little way away from the body…

"Edward," I gasped, and saw his eyes flicker up to meet mine.

I swayed on my feet, and he was suddenly there in front of me.

He stopped just a foot away though, and looked torn.

"What?" I whispered, reaching out towards him, but he leaned away. Hurt, I brought my hand back to my chest.

He looked down at his feet, his face frozen in a mask of horror. "What have I done?" he whispered.

I reached forward again and stroked his hair softly, he looked up, meeting my eyes again, and my hand brushed against his cheek. His soft, cold cheeks.

"What happened? I thought… you had left again…" I whispered.

Edward brought his hand up to mine against his cheek, holding my hand there. Then with a soft sigh he took my hand and drew it away from his face, and dropped it to my side.

"Bella, it's not safe here." He said softly, and my eyes flickered to the body lying on the ground. Carlisle and Esme were already picking up the pieces and piling them into a box to carry outside to a fire I could smell starting.

"What happened?"

"I… I lost it, and… now I've ruined everything…" his voice portrayed openly the raw horror he was feeling.

I dragged my eyes away from the quivering limbs and back to Edward's face. "What does that have to do with me? Who was that?"

He sighed again, "that was Aro, one of the Volturi." I remembered vaguely an afternoon a long time ago… my eighteenth birthday, when Edward had spoken about them. They were like the head family of the vampire world. I nodded in understanding. "And now… they'll be coming after me for killing him." His voice shook slightly at the end. "and… who knows what they'll do to my family? Or…" his eyes widening in terror, "to you?" he whispered.

I scowled, "I want to be with you." I said simply, I honestly didn't care what some vampire mob was planning, I needed to be with Edward.

He looked lovingly down at me, but shook his head, "It's to dangerous…" he said, and lifted his hand to stroke my cheek.

Right then someone came bursting through the door. Edward's head snapped up, and he met Alice's eyes, who was standing in the open doorway.

"No…" he whispered, and she nodded grimly.

"What?!" I asked as Edward started towing me towards the door.

He looked at Alice again, "Only that much?" he groaned, and scooped me up effortlessly in his arms then.

"Alice! What happened?" but we were already out of the house and flying towards the outbuilding that held the cars.

Edward deposited me in the passenger seat of the Volvo and appeared in the drivers seat a moment later.

He brought the engine to life and sped out of the garage, all before the garage opener even had enough time to open completely.

Down the drive we sped, and I had to close my eyes against he dangerously close trees that Edward was speeding around.

"What happened?" I asked, my eyes still closed.

"The Volturi found out somehow. Maybe they had someone watching who we couldn't detect, who maybe had the same immunity to my mind-reading like you," I opened my eyes to see him glance at me, then closed them again. "They must have seen you here and thought that I killed Aro over you, which, in part, I did." I gulped. "Alice saw the other two Volturi planning to kill us." He finished, and fell into a grim silence.

The car sped on in that silence, and his hand slipped over the seat and grasped mine tightly. Once, as the suspense grew and grew, his grip tightened even more, I flinched, and he almost let go, muttering an apology.

After almost an hour of driving, it had grown dark and I didn't know where we were or where we were going, his cell-phone rang. Letting go of my hand he pulled it out and answered it.

"Alice? What's happened?"

He listened to her for a moment, then swore.

"They said that? How do we know it's true?" he listened again, and sighed, "Okay." She said something, and I could hear her raising her voice in warning, Edward shook his head, even though she couldn't see. "Don't worry, I won't." there was something about the way he said that that I thought he was lying, but about what I didn't know yet.

He flipped the phone shut and put it back in his pocket.

"What? What happened?" I asked hysterically when he was silent. He glanced at me.

"The Volturi called and offered a deal, that's all." His tone was one that encouraged me not to press the issue, but I did anyways.

"What was the deal?"

"Stupid really, we're not going to go through with it." He avoided the question, not meeting my eyes.

Sensing I wasn't going to get a better answer than this I shut up and reached over for his hand again. He took my mine, tracing circles in the back of my hand.

"Where are we going?"

He glanced at me, "A place we own out in the middle of no where, we'll hopefully be safe there. It's up over by Mount St. Helen's, great view," he added with a strained smile.

I smiled back, admiring his attempt to lighten the mood.

As we lapsed back into silence I wondered what the real 'deal' was that the Volturi offered, and whether Edward was going to take it, with or without the approval of his family.

**Ha HA!! Like I said, a pretty tame chapter, but don't get used to it!! The rest are gonna be prreeeeety upbeat!!!! R&R pllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssseeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**(wow, I've been typing so much my vision is all blurry… hmm.. I wonder if that's a bad thing… well, good thing I don't gotta see the keyboard to type!!! Lol)**


	7. Us or them?

A/N: Omg, can you ever forgive me

**A/N: Omg, can you ever forgive me? I'm soooo unbelievably sorry that this took this long (it's been at least six months, huh? I'm so sorry!!) I wouldn't blame you if you didn't continue just because you couldn't remember what happened in the story… but I'd feel so very flattered if you went back and flipped through a little… (Basically, it's Edward came back, the Volutri made him say goodbye to Bella again after he'd come back and apologized. She ran to her house, and because he didn't know she was coming, he killed Aro in his agony. Bella saw him do that, and so did a spy person who had a immunity or something like Bella, so Edward didn't 'hear' him. The Volturi found out Aro was dead, and while Edward were fleeing to Mt. St. Helen's, they called and struck a deal, which Alice forwarded to Edward. Edward wouldn't tell Bell the deal) There, so I hope that helps, and I hope you can forgive me enough to read the rest of the story… my only excuse is this: first I got caught up in a bunch of drama at school, and then I honestly couldn't remember where I was going with the story… So then I had to wait until A) I got new inspiration, or B) I remembered. Kinda a mix of both happened… without further ado, a very belated 7****th**** chapter!**

Edward's POV.

My hands clenched the steering wheel, and I had to consciously force myself to not break the steering wheel. We didn't have time to fix the damned thing, or get a new car.

We were being hunted.

I had let go of Bella's hand a few minutes ago, so tense I couldn't concentrate enough to not break her fragile little hand. Instead she was scooted up next to me and pressed against my side. Her warmth seemed to almost warm me, when I didn't even realize I had been cold. It felt so nice…

No, I had to concentrate. We were being hunted. Hunted.

My teeth gritted. WE were being hunted because of me.

And now there was the deal.

I looked down at Bella, her eyes were trained on the black road. I could picture it perfectly in my minds eye, and I could see further up the road mentally, so I knew when to turn. With my freed eyes I studied her and contemplated the deal.

My life.

That's all they wanted, just my insignificant life.

I couldn't imagine why, what point was there to just killing me? Where was the gain? I couldn't see the Volturi working like that.

No, correction, I couldn't see _Aro _working like that. But Aro was dead.

Hence the offer.

I swore under my breath, frustrated as my usually quick mind went around in circles.

"What?" Bella whispered, obviously uncomfortable breaking the heavy silence. It was a human thing.

"just trying to figure things out."

"Will you please tell me what the deal was? What was it Alice told you on the phone?" She had that tone to her voice, she was serious. She wanted to know.

I sighed, I couldn't tell her, not yet. What would she do…? I didn't even want to think about the dangers she would irrationally put herself into to try to save my worthless life.

"I can't, not yet. Just let me think about it for a while." I didn't want to lie to her anymore.

I felt her scowl, and she minutely shook her head, "No. If it's something your thinking about, it's usually something stupid and self-sacrificing that'll take you away from me. You're not aloud to think. Tell me."

So I'm _not aloud to think_? That was interesting.

I sighed, "Bella, please."

"Don't 'please' me. Just spit it out Edward"

I didn't remember her being so feisty, where did this come from?

I sighed again, "They said that they'd call off all attacks if I… came willingly…" the last part was spoken in a whisper.

Bella was still next to me. Finally, she said, "I won't survive."

My insides lurched, and despair filled every single frozen atom inside of my body. My still heart ached, and my ears roared with blood that didn't flow there. I couldn't hurt my Bella.

"But I won't survive if you don't do that. They'll find us." It wasn't a question, she was accepting the fact that I was still avoiding.

"So it's a choice between just us, or us and the rest of your family. Seems like an easy choice, really."

I consider myself reasonably quick, I usually understand things right off the bat, and am usually ten steps ahead of whoever I'm talking time (with Bella as the exception, that was usually because I could hear their thoughts and counter an argument before they even voiced it). But I couldn't comprehend what she was saying. I _wouldn't _comprehend it.

No, not my Bella. Not my beautiful Bella. Anything but that. Please, no…

It was surely suicide.

**A/N: ai-yi-yi. That felt longer than it is, damn, maybe I'm out of practice… Oh well, I won't let this one fall behind again, promise!! Thank you SOOOOO Much if your read this far, and was patient with my stupid delays!! And, even if it's asking a bit much, I'd appreciate a review!! Thankies everyone, ur my favorite!**


	8. I think I love you

A/N: hi again, I'm really thankful for the people who've kept up this long (to me it's a pretty big deal) so, like, thanks all you guys

**A/N: hi again, I'm really thankful for the people who've kept up this long (to me it's a pretty big deal) so, like, thanks all you guys!! I'm currently listening to…. "Without You" from the musical 'Rent', if you haven't seen it, you should defiantly watch, and also "Silver and Cold" by 'AFI', an awesome band. So, like, here's the chapter!**

Bella's POV.

I watched the expressions fly across Edward's face after my proposition. Finally he seemed to set on horror-stricken. He saw the logic of it just like I did. There really wasn't any other way.

He still fought it, "You'd be able to survive-"

"Even if I didn't loose my mind," I cut him off, "The Volturi would find me. I still know to much, they want to kill me. I can't hide forever. Besides, what point is there living that little longer if I'm not even alive? I wouldn't be able to handle loosing you again." I was, for some reason, comfortable making this admission to him. Admitting my severe mental instability…

He shook his head almost imperceptibly, obviously lost in thought.

I reached over and took his hand, he looked at me, the road momentarily forgotten. I smiled. "Let's go." Was all I said.

He slowly smiled back. Again, slowly, he nodded.

I felt the car slow, and then he pulled over. Headlights soared over our faces, and my eyebrows shot up, I hadn't realize just how close they had been.

I heard a car stop and pull over close to ours, then I heard faint voices. Edward's smile started to look strained and I squeezed his hand. He relaxed again and squeezed mine back.

I thought of all the things I would miss out on, the years I had been counting on with Edward. The fun, the laughter, the sobs, the happiness. I knew I wasn't going to ever have children, but it still seemed like a loss. I thought of Charlie, I thought of Renee, and I thought about Jacob. What would Jacob do when he found out I was killed by vampires? Would he be enraged and turn into a wolf and go on a killing spree and attack the remaining Cullens?

I fought this thought, and tried to turn to my happier memories. Like when Edward had come back… and then…

No, couldn't have that train of thought either. I shook my head slowly, trying to clear it.

Edward squeezed my hand, and I looked up at his eyes. The voices were close now, cautious. They thought we were laying a trap…

Edward leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly against mine, then we rested our foreheads against each other.

I breathed in his sent, refusing to think that I may not ever smell it again. He started to hum my lullaby, and I cried despite myself, knowing I'd never hear his velvet voice again.

His hand came up and stroked through my hair, and he murmured in my ear, "I love you."

The top of the car split open then, the metal screaming and making my ears ring. Edward put his arms around me to protect me from the tiny sharp shards flying everywhere, as if it made a difference at this point.

Cold hands grabbed me, but Edward wouldn't let me go, so they lifted us both out of the car. The voices were louder now, but I couldn't understand them, I realized they must be speaking Italian. Or maybe I was to far gone to really comprehend anything…

Edward spoke, and my consciousness latched onto it, listening to every note and syllable in the words. His voice, his voice….

"Leave my family alone, we surrender." So calm…

Someone said something, and I recognized it as English, and tried to rise out of my stupor to understand the meaning of the words. "Okay, deal."

I looked up at Edward's face, and his was tilted down towards me. I felt his finger run over my cheek, wiping away tears I had forgotten I was shedding. Despite all of this, I smiled at him.

He smiled back, his lips drawn up on one side of his face, my favorite crooked smile.

I watched his bronze hair shift in the breeze, and his topaz eyes locking on mine. The perfect shape of his nose, the high-cheekbones, so beautiful… I prayed that when we died I'd never have to be away from this face, never be away from the man I loved.

My body lurched, and my breath caught involuntarily. I was past pain by this point, so accepting of my fate that my body no longer meant anything. I looked down with strange calm serenity at the gaping wound in my stomach, and the bright blood seeping through my shirt and dripping down my pants. I couldn't smell anything.

I looked back up at Edward, he didn't seem bothered by the blood. Like me he was to far gone.

My body lurched again, and I lifted one hand to my neck, where I felt blood pumping out of the slash there, a fresh gush with each pound of my heart… the only thing I could hear in ears… _Pulse, pulse, pulse, pulse. _

Again, I smiled at Edward, and he smiled back. I saw his perfect lips mouth the words, "I love you." Before my vision went black.

Edward's POV.

I watched the life in Bella's eyes fade as the crimson liquid pulsed down her front and pooled on the ground. Her body, for now a just a body it was, went limp in my arms, the severed throat making her head loll back sickeningly. I lifted her head, and tucked it against my front, so I couldn't see the blood anymore. I held her body there for a moment… I could smell the blood, but the monster in me was quieted, the pain in me overshadowing it by far.

The Italian voices around me talked with one another, but I could understand their thoughts in English, for some reason.

They were talking about how to best get rid of me, because of course the human girl was easy to shot and the slit. I closed my eyes and wished that I could block out the voices and mourn for the last few moments I had left.

I looked down at the wasted body of the girl I loved. Loved with my still heart, my damned soul and my frozen body. Loved with every atom of the planet, and all the universe. Loved through every spectrum of emotion. Forever, and I knew how long that could be, forever, I would love her. Forever.

I didn't feel any pain, I didn't know it happened. But somewhere in my thinking of love, I stopped.

Impossibly, the last thing I felt, was a lone tear… rolling down my cheek.

_Grass tickled the girl's feet as she walked forward through the perfectly symmetrical field, and she reached out her hand to run it through the soft weeds. _

_She looked up to see someone standing there in the middle of the field, tall and beautiful. He looked up as she walked up, and smiled, a crooked smile. _

"_Hey," she said as she walked up to him. _

"_Hey," he replied, blushing just slightly. She watched him watch her with green eyes, and the wind tousled his bronze hair. _

"_I'm Bella," _

"_Short for Isabella?"_

"_Yeah, how'd you know?"_

"_Well, Bella, I'm Edward, and I think… I think I love you." He nodded, his human face soft, "yeah, I defiantly love you." _

_She smiled, "I think I love you too, and I guess Carlisle was right." She was surprised by the last sentence. _

"_Whose that?" Edward asked. _

"_I don't know…" she answered. _

_They shrugged, it didn't matter. She went forward into his open arms, his warm embrace, and squeezed his soft skin, still hard with muscle. _

"_I'm glad we met here." _

"_Me too." _

"_I love you." _

**A/N: yup, that's the end. I really hope you all liked the story, and sorry again for the large gap of updating in the middle there… well, you should like, go read my other stories now!! **

**Review and tell me what you thought of this story, and NO there will not be a sequel, I don't presume to know what 'heaven' or wherever they are is like. **

**I hope it didn't make you cry, I cried writing it… Who knows? Maybe I'll write another fanfic, and like, longer… **

**Love all you guys!! **


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